Chris is a full-time carer for husband Tony, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia in 2023. The couple regularly attend our Healthy Memory Café, which they describe as an ‘extended family’. It provides them with ‘incomparable’ fun, as well as specialist support and advice from our Admiral Nurse, Lucy.
Chris first became concerned about Tony's memory two years ago when, after a shopping trip, he became adamant she was trying to put their groceries in the wrong car. Tony had also lost his peripheral vision around the same time, leaving her wondering whether he couldn't see their car properly, or wasn't remembering. She recalls:
“It took a while, but eventually I was able to persuade him to get in the car so I could drive us home. Then when we got home, Tony got out to unlock the door and he went to a neighbour’s house instead of ours. Alarm bells went off immediately.
“In hindsight, I was probably making excuses about his eyesight and trying not to think the worst. I ended up contacting the GP and, thankfully, they were amazing. I'd half prepared myself for the diagnosis so when it came, my first thought was, ‘I'm going to look after him’. All my focus was on Tony and it still is.
“I registered with Herts Carers and an Admiral Nurse came to talk to us. It was then that we found out about the Healthy Memory Café and the Hospice's Dementia care services. We started coming regularly and it's been amazing - both for me as a carer and for Tony as the person living with dementia.
“We did go to a few different clubs before, but this one is so special because it's geared to people like us. We've both got something to relate to and, most importantly, there's always someone there to give advice and listen - it's more than just a cup of tea, a chat and activities. For those two hours, you can have time out from everything else that is happening and you can make happy memories.”
Tony and Chris smiling at the Healthy Memory Café
Not all hospices have an Admiral Nurse specialising in dementia care. Fortunately, at Garden House, we have Lucy, who works with people like Chris and Tony. In the last year, referrals for her services have risen by 16%. Her work is a lifeline for families facing incredibly tough times - so much so that Chris feels she ‘deserves a knighthood’:
“Lucy has created something life-changing. She's there if you need to ask her anything. I had to go into hospital earlier this year to have an operation, so our daughter stepped in to look after Tony. Lucy seamlessly helped point her in the right direction and raised a discussion in the group, while making sure I was looking after myself and resting. It provides a lot of comfort knowing you've always got someone to turn to.
“I've also come to the conclusion that the volunteers are angels in disguise. They don't just give their time - they give themselves. We celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary with the group earlier this year. We took in a cake and one of the volunteers, Sarah, organised for us to get a card from the King. There was lots of music, which is something that jogs Tony's memory, so we danced together which we often do at home too.”
Chris and Tony celebrated their 60th anniversary at the Healthy Memory Café
“Garden House has taught us that dementia doesn't have to be ‘doom and gloom’. You can also have good times and make happy memories. We've created a memory box at home, and the card from the King is one of the things in there.
“When you have happy memories to carry you through, the sad memories fade into the background. They lift you and mean you can still have a life - the fun we can have at the Healthy Memory Café is incomparable. It's become an extended family.
“I haven't thought much about the future - to be honest, I just take one day at a time. Tony also has pancreatic cancer, but I know if things change dramatically and I need help, I would want him to stay at home as long as possible. Thanks to Lucy and the team, we now have that link with the Hospice when the time comes. I'm so grateful.”
Dementia is not always recognised as a terminal illness, and it is so often misunderstood - but we are helping to change that. Last year marked exceptional growth and care across our services, reflecting the increasing demand for our specialist support. We are committed to reaching more people - like Chris and Tony - sooner, because every person matters.
